‘Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor blade’
‘Dont panic, i’m coming immediately, have you done anything yet?’
‘Yeah, i shaved with the electric razor.’
via Funny Doctor Jokes – Free Funny Jokes.
Funny Doctor Jokes
Doctor helps prisoner escape!
A prisoner who is desperate to get out of jail has been teaming with his doctor and has been in & out of the hospital on some pretext of illness. He is now in one of such visits and very desperate to get out of jail permanently, tells the doctor, “Look here, doc! You’ve already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!”
To which the doctor calmly replies, “I am – bit by bit”.
via Doctor helps prisoner escape!.
Doctor helps prisoner escape!
Christmas Jokes and Riddles
Q. What’s white and goes up?
A. A confused snowflake!
Q. How long should a reindeer’s legs be?
A. Just long enough to reach the ground!
Q. What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A. A broken drum, you cant beat it!
via Squigly’s Christmas Jokes and Riddles.
Christmas Jokes and Riddles
Really Funny Animal Jokes
There was a papa mole, a momma mole, and a baby mole. They lived in a hole out in the country near a farmhouse. Papa mole poked his head out of the hole and said, “Mmmm, I smell sausage!” Momma mole poked her head outside the hole and said, “Mmmm, I smell pancakes!” Baby mole tried to stick his head outside but couldn’t because of the two bigger moles. Baby mole said, “The only thing I smell is molasses.
Really Funny Animal Jokes
Clean Blonde Jokes!!!
A blond is telling her bff about her first time riding a horse. “So I got on this pretty little horse and it just took off galloping with me. I tried to hang on but, the saddle was so slippery that I started to fall off. I was yelling for help and hanging on for dear life. I had my arms wrapped around it’s neck. I really thought I was going to die. It was so scarry” The bff said “Oh my God! How did you get it to stop?” Blond says “Oh this nice man just came up and he saved me” Bff “How did he stop it?” Blond “He unpluged it from the wall and it stopped. I thanked the man for saving my life and he just laughed – like it was no big deal” Bff “Really? It was a Walmart horse?”
Clean Blonde Jokes!!!
Entertainment Jokes
On 1st April many people play jokes on their friends and others by creating stories that are not true and hoping that people will believe them. The convention is that an April Fool’s Joke must be perpetrated before noon on 1st April. Here are three published by EnglishClub. Many people “fell” for these jokes (they believed them), as you can see from the comments. Other people realized the stories were not true but enjoyed them anyway. And some people were very, very angry.
Source: ESL Jokes for English Students
Entertainment Jokes
Doctor Jokes
An English guy was very ill and his son went to visit him in the hospital. Suddenly, the father began to breathe heavily and grabbed the pen and pad by the bed. With his last ounce of strength he wrote a note, dropped it, and died.
The son was so overcome with grief that he didn’t remember slipping the note into his pocket. At the funeral, he reached into the pocket of his coat and immediately felt the note. He excitedly read it thinking it might be something he could recite during the service. It said:
YOU WANKER — GET OFF MY OXYGEN PIPE!!!
via Funny Jokes | English Patient Joke | Comedy Central.
Doctor Jokes
Funny Doctor Jokes
6. A man goes to his doctor for a complete check-up, he hasnt been feeling well all day and wants to find out if he’s ill. After the checkup the doctor comes out with the test results of the examination.
‘I’m afraid i have some bad news. Youre dying and you dont have much time,’ the doctor says.’Oh no, that’s terrible, how much time do i have?’ the man asks.’10…’ says the doctor.’10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?’ he asks desperately.’10….9…8….7….’
via Funny Doctor Jokes – Free Funny Jokes.
Funny Doctor Jokes
Animal Jokes
Q: Why was the crow perched on a telephone wire?
A: He was going to make a long-distance caw.
Q: What did the chick say when it saw an orange in the nest?
A: Look at the orange mama laid.
Q: Is it good manners to eat fried chicken with your fingers?
A: No, you should eat your fingers separately.
Q: Why do hens lay eggs?
A: If they dropped them, they’d break.
Q: Why do seagulls live near the sea?
A: Because if they lived near the bay, they would be called bagels.
Q: Diner: Do you serve chicken here?
A: Waiter: Sit down, sir. We serve anyone.
Q: Diner: I can’t eat this chicken. Call the manager.
A: Waiter: It’s no use. He can’t eat it either.
via Animal Jokes – Animal Jokes.
Animal Jokes
A son is calling his mom
A son is calling his mom from college, and telling her that he had just got his degree. The mother says: Thats great honey! What kind of degree? And the son, almost squealing with excitement says: The best one ever, a Celsius degree!
via A son is calling his mom from college, and te… Funny College Jokes at JokeLoad.com.
A son is calling his mom
Christmas Jokes
What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.
via Christmas Jokes.
Christmas Jokes
Beer Jokes l Bar Jokes l
A snail goes into a bar and orders a beer.
The barman says, “sorry we don’t serve snails” and throws him out.
A couple of weeks later the snail goes into the bar again and says,”What did you do that for!?”
via Beer Jokes | Bar Jokes | Bartender Jokes.
Beer Jokes l Bar Jokes l
Bar Jokes - Funny Bar Jokes | Reader's Digest
The barman says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
via Bar Jokes – Funny Bar Jokes | Reader’s Digest.
Bar Jokes - Funny Bar Jokes | Reader's Digest
Holiday Jokes
A good direct mail marketing piece to deliver during the holidays? –A candy cane with your company logo printed on it. A bad piece direct mail marketing piece to deliver during the holidays? –A lump of coal with your company logo printed on it.
Holiday Jokes
Holiday Jokes
Why was Mr. Grinch awarded Salesperson of the Year even though he didn’t make the highest number of sales? -He sold an expensive networking platform to a guy who only had one desktop computer–only after accepting the guy’s desktop computer as a down payment.
Holiday Jokes
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