WHAT IS E.T. SHORT FOR ?
BECAUSE HE HAS SHORT LEGS…
E.T
Free lucky winner
you have been selected 4free 3days n 2nite stay at hotel BAGHADAD in IRAQ free fire works n air show by U.S AIR FORCE
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$20 to clean suit
Two guys are sitting in a bar getting pretty loaded. Suddenly, one of them blows lunch all over himself.
“Aw man, my wife is going to kill me when she sees this,” he says. His buddy replies, “Don’t worry about it. That happened to me before. Here’s what you do. Put a $20 bill in your pants pocket. When you get home, tell your wife that some drunk threw up on you and he gave you the twenty to pay for the cleaning, OK?”
“All right, I’ll try it.” So he goes home and his wife immediately starts bitching about his suit. “Now look what you’ve done to yourself!!”
“No, no, honey,” he slurs back. “Some drunk guy puked on me, but he gave me this twenty bucks to get my suit cleaned.” With that he reaches into his pocket and throws the money on the table.
His wife looks at it and says, “I thought that you said he only gave you one $20. How come there are two here?” The man slurs back,
“He shit in my pants, too.”
$20 to clean suit
I Thought You Were M uttered
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time
at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her
skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.
He immediately apologized and explained, “I’m sorry. I thought you were my
wife. You look exactly like her.”
“Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!” she screamed.
“Funny,” he muttered, “you even sound exactly like her.”
I Thought You Were M uttered
Man's best friend.
Bartender looks down to the end of the bar and sees a guy with his head down who hasn’t touched his drink for over a half an hour. He heads over to talk to him.
Bartender: “Hey pal, is something wrong?”
The Guy: “Yeah, I’m really depressed”
Bartender: “Why, what’s the matter?”
The Guy: “I caught my wife in bed with my best friend”
Bartender: “Wow, that’s horrible. What did you do?”
The Guy: “I kicked her out of the house, sent her packing, it’s over”
Bartender: “That’s pretty drastic, what did you do to your best friend?”
The Guy: “I sat him down, tied him up, looked him straight in the eye and said, Bad Dog! Bad Dog!”
Man's best friend.
Irishman Drunk and F
An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar was closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he’ll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom.
Irishman Drunk and F
Just Lays There
A guy walks into a bar, and sees his best friend sitting there, getting drunk.
When he asks what the problem is, the friend says “When I make love to my wife, she just lays there. I’ve tried everything, but she doesn’t moan, doesn’t scream, doesn’t even move”
The guy pats his friend on the back and says “Yeah, she does that with me, too.”
Just Lays There
Deaf Men in a Bar
A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them. When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign. The man thought that was great. A few minutes later the man noticed that the people in the group were waving their hands around very wildly. The bartender looked over and signed “Now cut that out! I warned you!” and threw the group out of the bar. The man asked why he had done that and the bartender said, “If I told them once I told them 100 times – NO SINGING IN THE BAR!”
Deaf Men in a Bar
Sink or Swim - depends on hair color.....
What do you call a blonde in the bottom of a swimming pool?
An Air Pocket!
Sink or Swim - depends on hair color.....
Good people are like street lights along the roads
Sunday, 11 May 2014
Good People Are Like Street Lights Along The Roads.
They Don’t Make The Distance Short But They Light Up The Path
&
Make the Walk
EASY & SAFE.
Good people are like street lights along the roads
Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children
Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.
Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children
Most important relationship
Most important relationship we can all have is the one you have with yourself, the most important journey you can take is one of self-discovery. To know yourself, you must spend time with yourself, you must not be afraid to be alone. Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.
Most important relationship
Most folks are about as...
Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.
(Abraham Lincoln)
Most folks are about as...
Always bear in mind that
Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.
(Abraham Lincoln)
Always bear in mind that
And in the end..
And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.
(Abraham Lincoln)
And in the end..
Money has never made man happy
Money has never made man happy, nor will it, there is nothing in its nature to produce happiness. The more of it one has the more one wants.
(Benjamin Franklin)
Money has never made man happy
A man should look for
Money will do everything
He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money.
(Benjamin Franklin)
Money will do everything
Live in Peace
He that would live in peace and at ease must not speak all he knows or all he sees.
(Benjamin Franklin)
Live in Peace
The most beautiful thing
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed.
The most beautiful thing
Fear of death
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there’s no risk of accident for someone who’s dead.
Fear of death
Success in life
If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut.
Success in life
New year quote by Benjamin Franklin
Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man.
(Benjamin Franklin)
New year quote by Benjamin Franklin
Only one who devotes himself
Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person.
Only one who devotes himself
Simple as possible
Great spirits
Sometimes one pays most
We can’t solve problems
We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.
We can’t solve problems
Intellectual growth
Perfections of mean and confusion of goals
Perfections of mean and confusion of goals seem -in my opinion- to characterize our age.
(Albert Einstein)
Perfections of mean and confusion of goals
Reality is merely an illusion
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
(Albert Einstein)
Reality is merely an illusion
Anyone who doesn’t take truth seriously
Anyone who doesn’t take truth seriously in small matters cannot be trusted in large ones either.
(Albert Einstein)
Anyone who doesn’t take truth seriously
Try not to become a man of success
Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.
(Albert Einstein)
Try not to become a man of success
I have tried 99 times....
I have tried 99 times and have failed, but on the 100th time came success.
(Albert Einstein)
I have tried 99 times....
The hardest thing to understand
The hardest thing to understand in the world is the income tax.
(Albert Einstein)
The hardest thing to understand
Common sense
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
(Albert Einstein)
Common sense
The pursuit of truth and beauty
The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives.
(Albert Einstein)
The pursuit of truth and beauty
Understand everything better
Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.
(Albert Einstein)
Understand everything better
Great saying about Imagination by Albert Einstein
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Albert Einstein
Great saying about Imagination by Albert Einstein
Famous saying about Experience by Albert Einstein
The only source of knowledge is experience.
Albert Einstein
Famous saying about Experience by Albert Einstein
Beautiful Saying By Abdul Kalam
If a country is to be corruption free and become a nation of beautiful minds, I strongly feel there are three key societal members who can make a difference. They are the father, the mother and the teacher.
Abdul Kalam
Beautiful Saying By Abdul Kalam
Quote about Faith by Abdul Kalam
God, our Creator, has stored within our minds and personalities, great potential strength and ability. Prayer helps us tap and develop these powers.
Abdul Kalam
Quote about Faith by Abdul Kalam
An ant and an elephant
An ant and an elephant got married, despite the best advice of their friends.
After the first night of honeymoon, the elephant suffered a heart attack and died.
“It’s so bad.,” said the ant, “One night of emotions, and now I get to spend the rest of my life digging a grave.
An ant and an elephant
Nami danam chi manzil
Wednesday, 9 April 2014
Nami danam chi manzil bood shab jaay ki man boodam;
Baharsu raqs-e bismil bood shab jaay ki man boodam.
Pari paikar nigaar-e sarw qadde laala rukhsare;
Sarapa aafat-e dil bood shab jaay ki man boodam.
Khuda khud meer-e majlis bood andar laamakan Khusrau;
Muhammad shamm-e mehfil bood shab jaay ki man boodam.
Nami danam chi manzil
Chhap tilak sab cheeni ray
Chhap tilak sab cheeni ray mosay naina milaikay
Chhap tilak sab cheeni ray mosay naina milaikay
Prem bhatee ka madhva pilaikay
Matvali kar leeni ray mosay naina milaikay
Gori gori bayyan, hari hari churiyan
Bayyan pakar dhar leeni ray mosay naina milaikay
Bal bal jaaon mein toray rang rajwa
Apni see kar leeni ray mosay naina milaikay
Khusrau Nijaam kay bal bal jayyiye
Mohay Suhaagan keeni ray mosay naina milaikay
Chhap tilak sab cheeni ray mosay naina milaikay
Chhap tilak sab cheeni ray
Negativity against women’s in today’s music
Sexual assault and misogyny, Why do we allow artists like Robin Thicke to promote blurred lines in society? Have you ever thought about the lyrics some songs have? Disturbing and inappropriate images and lyrics are being used. Are they appropriate to listen to in front of family and elders? Do they promote positive messages that every teenager should know? There are so many songs that you can pick out which include perverse imagery and disturbing lyrics which are unnecessary for teenagers or children to listen to. So many artists have mimicked sexual acts in their videos.
We see this in Robin Thicke’s Blurred lines in which he repeats the phrase “I know you want it “many times. Is this message necessary? His use of repetition causes listeners to believe that regardless of what women say or do they want men to have sex with them. This presents men with the idea that it is okay to rape women because of the belief that “they want it”. I am not saying that music is a bad thing as it does evoke feelings and it has the power to bring people together, but people must simply write music responsibly. Music is also a way for people to express themselves and share ideas, whether through poetic lyrics or thumping anthems. But today, artists are not known for their meaningful lyrics, but for how extravagant their outfits are and how many times their wealthy relatives can get them out of jail, thus causing music to lose its true purpose and instead becomes a perverted shadow of itself. Likewise, these images and ideas about women send young girls a strong message about their place in the world and the way they are judged and valued. It could be very harmful to let these lyrics imply to young girls that being racy and beautiful is the most important way a woman can promote herself, rather than working hard academically and aspiring to success in whatever career she chooses. However, on an average approximately 97% can you believe this? Of songs promote inappropriate language and disturbing images which young children and people around the world listen to. This causes listeners to visualize aggressive and unwarranted sexual acts against women. If you go out into the neighborhood that you live in you will find about 10 incidents that have occurred in which women have been victimized by men In public, at any time of day, men will willingly shout inappropriate comments at women in hopes they will receive a positive response. When women respond in a negative manner men often curse or respond with “you’re a prude”. This illustrates the perpetual idea that women have no right over their bodies. What makes a woman a prude? Are women stuck up if they value themselves enough to respect their bodies? My point today is that why make a women so negative in society? Just because she is more powerful than a man? Just because she can handle more than men?
Negativity against women’s in today’s music
There are things
Friday, 7 March 2014
There are things which seem incredible to most men who have not studied mathematics.
(Aristotle)
There are things
Our account does
Our account does not rob mathematicians of their science, by disproving the actual existence of the infinite in the direction of increase, in the sense of the untraceable. In point of fact they do not need the infinite and do not use it. They postulate any that the finite straight line may be produced as far as they wish.
(Aristotle)
Our account does
Good has two Meanings
Good has two meanings: it means that which is good absolutely and that which is good for somebody.
(Aristotle)
Good has two Meanings
Mothers are fonder
Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own.
(Aristotle)
Mothers are fonder
All Men Seek One Goal
All men seek one goal : success or happiness. The only way to achieve true success is to express yourself completely in service to society. First, have a definite, clear, practical ideal-a goal, an objective. Second, have the necessary means to achieve your ends; wisdom, money, materials, and methods. Third, adjust all your means to that end.
(Aristotle)
All Men Seek One Goal
I Count him
I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self.
(Aristotle)
I Count him
The unfortunate
The unfortunate need people who will be kind to them; the prosperous need people to be kind to.
(Aristotle)
The unfortunate
The Greatest Virtues
The greatest virtues are those which are most useful to other persons.
(Aristotle)
The Greatest Virtues
The Weaker are always
The weaker are always anxious for justice and equality. The strong pay no heed to either.
(Aristotle)
The Weaker are always
Politicians also have
Politicians also have no leisure, because they are always aiming at something beyond political life itself, power and glory, or happiness.
(Aristotle)
Politicians also have
Most Important Relationship
Most important relationship we can all have is the one you have with yourself, the most important journey you can take is one of self-discovery. To know yourself, you must spend time with yourself, you must not be afraid to be alone. Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.
(Aristotle)
Most Important Relationship
He is his Own best friend
He is his own best friend, and takes delight in privacy whereas the man of no virtue or ability is his own worst enemy and is afraid of solitude.
(Aristotle)
He is his Own best friend
Men Acquire
Men acquire a particular quality by constantly acting a particular way. You become just by performing just actions, temperate by performing temperate actions, brave by performing brave actions.
(Aristotle)
Men Acquire
We Are What We
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit.
(Aristotle)
We Are What We
Education is an ornament
Education is an ornament in prosperity and a refuge in adversity.
(Aristotle)
Education is an ornament
It is more difficult
It is more difficult to organize a peace than to win a war; but the fruits of victory will be lost if the peace is not organized.
(Aristotle)
It is more difficult
Wishing to be friends
Wishing to be friends is quick work, but friendship is a slow-ripening fruit.
(Aristotle)
Wishing to be friends
To run away from Trouble
To run away from trouble is a form of cowardice and, while it is true that the suicide braves death, he does it not for some noble object but to escape some ill.
(Aristotle)
To run away from Trouble
Whatever we learn to do
Whatever we learn to do, we learn by actually doing it; men come to be builders, for instance, by building, and harp players by playing the harp. In the same way, by doing just acts we come to be just; by doing self-controlled acts, we come to be self-controlled; and by doing brave acts, we become brave.
(Aristotle)
Whatever we learn to do
Badsoorat Wife
Sunday, 2 March 2014
Badsoorat Wife:
Apne Husbnd Se
Khirki K Parde Lagwa Do,
Naya Parosi Muje Dekhne Ki Koshish Krta Hy
Husband:
1 Bar Dekh Lene Do,
Phr
Wo Khud Parde Lagwa Lega.
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Badsoorat Wife
Wife To Husband
Wife: Suniye Plz Ap meri tarf m0un kr k soye mujhe dr lag raha hai..:/
Husband: Tay ma pavein dar dar k mar javan
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Wife To Husband
Ager Kisi Ko Kisi Se
Agar kisi ko kisi se pyaar hojaye toh kya karna chahiye????
think!!!!!!!!!!!!
dono ki shaadi karwa deni chahiye…
SAALON KA BHOOT UTAR JAAYEGA…
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Ager Kisi Ko Kisi Se
Marriege Jokes & Sms
Wife
BV
aur
Begum
main kiya
Faraq hai.?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
“Kuch farq nahi hai Dost”;)
.
“Ye hindustan, india or bharat ki trh 1 he Musibat k 3 Alag Alag naam hain”
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Marriege Jokes & Sms
Marriege Jokes & Sms
Nayi nayi shadi thi, naya tha zamana.
Dulha bechain tha sunne ko dulhan se gaana.
Dulhan thoda sharmayi, phir shuru kiya gaana.
Bhaiya mere rakhi k bandhan ko nibhana.
via Happy Marriage SMS – Funny SMS in Urdu, Hindi & English.
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Marriege Jokes & Sms
GirlFriend
What is a GirlFriend?
Addition of Problems
Subtraction of MOney
Division of friends
Multiplication of Heartache
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GirlFriend
My little brother is a real pain.
Fred: My little brother is a real pain.
Harry: Things could be worse.
Fred: How?
Harry: He could be a twin.
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My little brother is a real pain.
Proud little girl
a little boy and girl were playing one day when the little boy opens his pants and says,bet you dont have one of these!The little girl lifts her skirt,looks down,begins to cry then runs home to her mother.The next day,the little girl approaches the boy,lifts her skirt and with a big grin states:My mommy told me with one of these i can get all of those i want!
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Proud little girl
A quote on marriage
Wife: The perfect acquisition for any gentleman feeling himself to have excessive control over his personal affairs.
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A quote on marriage
A quote on marriage
Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
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A quote on marriage
A quote on marriage
Why bother with marriage? Just find a woman you hate and buy her a house.
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A quote on marriage
Flowers
A husband buys his wife flowers for for the first time in their married life, and she is so excited she grabs him by the hand, pulls him up the stairs, strips lies on the bed with her legs wide open, and says darling this is for the flowers. and he replies dont be silly you must have a vase somewhere!
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Flowers
A quote on marriage
May you never leave your marriage alive.
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A quote on marriage
Both Speak
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Curtis and Christine
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Both Speak
A quote on marriage
Marriage is a rest period between romances.
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A quote on marriage
A quote on marriage
The days just before marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.
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A quote on marriage
Pack for Fishing Trip
A man called his wife from work one Friday afternoon and told
her to pack his bags for a fishing trip. He told her that he and
some guys from work were going fishing for the weekend. “Pack
some clothes, get out my fishing poles and tackle box, and don’t
forget my blue silk pajamas,” he explained to her. The wife
agreed and when he got home he picked up his stuff and said
goodbye.
Sunday night the man returned home and his wife asked, “How was
your fishing trip?” The man responded, “It was great but you
forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas!” “No I didn’t,” she
replied, “I put them in your tackle box!”
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Pack for Fishing Trip
What is SWF?
What does SWM stand for in a personal column advertisement?
Sneaking While Married
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What is SWF?
Octopus
Girl: Do you know what family the octopus belongs to?
Boy: No one in our street.
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Octopus
A quote on marriage
There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through hell.
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A quote on marriage
A quote on marriage
Marriage is a trip between Niagara Falls and Reno.
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A quote on marriage
Viagra Falls
Have you heard where many senior citizens are opting to spend their second or even third honeymoons?
Viagra Falls.
Submitted by Admin
Edited by Calamjo
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Viagra Falls
Honey
A man is recently separated from his wife, and gets drunk. It’s the dead of winter and he staggers to their house and starts pounding on the door.
After about fifteen minutes, she finally opens a window and asks what he wants.
“Honey! I’m half froze, can’t I stay here tonight?”
“Yes, of course. I thought you wanted to come in!”
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Honey
Widow
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A. A widow
Submitted by Calamjo
Editede by Curtis
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Widow
Still Celebrating!
The couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar.
“Elliot,” she said, pointing “do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?”
The husband looked over and nodded.
“Well,” the woman continued, “he’s been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!”
The husband returned to his meal. “Nonsense,” he said, “even that’s not worth so much celebrating!”
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Still Celebrating!
Why did santa claus...
Sunday, 9 February 2014
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Why did santa claus go to jail?
he got caught laying barbie under the
christmas tree!
Why did santa claus...
Dolly Parton's Marriages
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If Dolly Parton married
Jerry Smothers, and divorced him for
Mr. Lucky, and divorced him for
Martin Short, and divorced him for
former NFL kicker Ray Guy, she would be
Dolly Parton Smothers Lucky Short Guy.
Dolly Parton's Marriages
Roseanne the drug dealer
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Did ya hear Roseanne was arrested for dealing drugs???
They lifted her dress and found 50 pounds of crack.
Roseanne the drug dealer
Mark McGwire on Simpsons
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What character would Mark McGwire play on the Simpsons?
Homer!
Mark McGwire on Simpsons
Obi's Son
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If Obi Wan Had a Son, of what name would he bear it?
Obi Tu
Obi's Son
Toto
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Dear Dorathy,
Hate OZ, took the shoes, find your own way home.
-TOTO
Toto
Helen Keller
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How did eln keller burn her face?
she was bobbing for French fries
Helen Keller
Mike 'n' a hot dog
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Q: What do Michael Jackson and a hotdog have in common?
A: White buns and a weiner!!!
Mike 'n' a hot dog
Light bulbs
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How many Taoists does it take to change a light bulb?
You cannot change a light bulb. By its nature it will go out again
Light bulbs
Who's saved?
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Michael Jackson and Dennis Rodman where on sinking ship. Who was saved.
The music world and the NBA.
Who's saved?
Bush
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Why does Sadamm Husseins wife have no pubic hair?
Because when he is in bed he doesnt want to see Bush.
Bush
Vending machine
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Q:What do monica lewinsky and a vending machine
have in common
A:they both say insert bill here
Vending machine
Michael Jackson and Wal-Mart
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Q. What do Michael Jackson and Wal-Mart have in common?
A. They both have boys pants half off.
Michael Jackson and Wal-Mart
Michael Jackson
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What do Micheal Jackson and Caviar have in common?
They both come on little crackers.
Michael Jackson
Dolly Parton
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How did Dolly Parton get two black eyes?
She went jogging without a bra on.
Dolly Parton
Michael Jackson joke
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What did the lady at the beach say to Michael Jackson?
Get out of my sun!
Michael Jackson joke
Michael Jackson and Burger King
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What do Michael Jackson and Burger King have in common?
They both stick their meat between 12 year old buns!
Michael Jackson and Burger King
Kennedy, Bono and???
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Investigating the two skiing deaths that occurred so closely to each other, authorities found this note:StoP tHE LogGInG oR WE WilL coNTinUE To KiLL OnE CelEBriTy EaCH WeEK!!!
Kennedy, Bono and???
Pilsbury Doughboy
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What do you see when the Pilsbury Doughboy bends over?
Doughnuts!
Pilsbury Doughboy
Dyslexic Satan Worshiper
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Did you ever hear about the dyslexic Satan worshiper?
He sold his soul to Santa.
Dyslexic Satan Worshiper
Micheal Jackson
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What are the three things that micheal jackson and a carrier bag have in common?
1. they are both made of plastic
2.they are both white
and 3. they are both dangerous when left with children.
Micheal Jackson
God
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A little boy went up to his father and asked,
Dad is god a boy or a girl?
Both son both
Then the little boy asked dad is god black or white?
Both son both.
Ten minutes later the boy came down stairs and asked
Dad is Micheal Jackson God?
God
stupid
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yo mama soooo poor she went to the dollar tree and put a $0.99,5 pack of gum on lay-a-way.
stupid
Mercedes SLK vs. Madonna
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What is the difference between Mercedes SLK coupe and Madonna?
They both drop their tops frequently but Mercedes does it more elegantly!
Mercedes SLK vs. Madonna
Priest and Christmas
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What does a priest and a christmas tree have in common?Their balls are for decoration
Priest and Christmas
3 Blonde Jokes
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Do you want to hear 3 blond jokes?
Then listen to Hanson.
3 Blonde Jokes
boyz 2 men
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why did Micheal Jackson call boys 2 men?
because he thought it was a delivery service
boyz 2 men
Sonny Bono
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What did the tree say when sonny bono hit it?
I GOT YOU BABE!!!!!!
Sonny Bono
Celebrity Death Jokes
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Did you hear what Queen Elizabeth gave Fergie for her birthday?
A plane ticket to Paris and a mercedes
Did you hear what Dodi Al Fayed said to the chauffeur before thier
untimely death?
Hey. Wanna come for a ride with me and Di? (die)
Celebrity Death Jokes
Jackson vs. Jockey
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Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a jockey?
The jockey has a licence to ride 3 year olds.
Jackson vs. Jockey
Tonya Skating Again
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Tonya Harding donned her ice skates and competed again this week after five years. Asked why she is returning to competition after such a long layoff, Tonya said she just felt like taking another whack at it.
Tonya Skating Again
Rikki Lake
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Did you hear that they found K. D. Lang dead?
Yeah, they found her face down in Rikki Lake.
Rikki Lake
Santa Riddle
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Why is santa claus always so happy? He knows where all of the bad girls live!
Santa Riddle
Snoop Dog and Scooby Doo
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Q. What would happen to Snoop Dog, if he married Scooby Doo?
A. He would become Snoop Dog Doo.
Snoop Dog and Scooby Doo
Obi Wan's Sons
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If Obi Wan Had a Son, of what name would he bear it?
Obi Tu
If Obi Wan Had another Son, of what name would he bear it?
Obie Trice
Obi Wan's Sons
Der-ty night before Christmas
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Der next night vas ChristmasDer night is vas schtillDer stockings vas hungBy der chimney to fill.Der shildren vas snuggledAll up in der bedAnd mama in nightgownAnd I up ahead…Vas searchink around In der dark for der toysVe krept around kvietNot to make any noise.Und mudder vas carryingDer toys in her gownShowink her personFrom up her vaist down.Und ven she came nearDer crib of our boyOur youngest und sveetestOur pride und our choy…His eyes vide open As he peeked from his cot…Und seen everythink Dot his mudder has got!He didn’t even noticeDer toys in her lap…He chust asked,”For whom ist dot little fur cap?”Und mudder said “hush”Und she laughed mit delight…I tink I give datTo your father tonight!
Der-ty night before Christmas
Lone Ranger's Garbage
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Where does the Lone Ranger take his garbage???
To the dump, to the dump, to the dump, dump, dump.
Lone Ranger's Garbage
Popeye
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What does Popeye do when his favorite tool gets rusty?
He sticks it in Olive Oil.
Popeye
Why does Jeopordy use so much toilet paper
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The TV game show Jeopordy uses so much toilet paper because doo de doo doo
do de do do de do de doop do do do do doo.doo-doo.
Why does Jeopordy use so much toilet paper
Winnie the Pooh
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How do you piss off Winnie the Pooh?
Stick your finger in his honey!
Winnie the Pooh
Star Trek vs. Toilet Paper
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What does Star Trek Enterprise and toilet paper have in Common?
They both go aroung Uranus (your anus) looking for Cling-ons (Klingons).
Star Trek vs. Toilet Paper
Smurfs Make Love
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Do you know how ‘Smurfs’ make love?
They smuck!
Smurfs Make Love
Seven Dwarfs
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The seven dwarfs were in a hot tub and started feeling sleepy.
So he got the hell out!
Seven Dwarfs
Kermit and Ms. Piggy
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Q: Why did Kermit the Frog break up with Ms. Piggy?
A: He found out it was morally wrong to eat pork.
Kermit and Ms. Piggy
yo mama
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yo mama was so stupid when she came in the house smelling bad,
she goes i better take a bath before the fire alarme goes off!!
yo mama
Stranded
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I wish we wernt stranded on this iceburg steven whats for dinner
we can have ratsoup ratdogs or roastrat whats for desert icetea
and snow balls.
Wait i think i can see something get the telascope yes its a
ship were saved yes whats it called the titanic.
Stranded
Tigger
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Why did Tigger get his head stuck in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh.
Tigger
Teens Over 18
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Recently I was watching a Ricki Lake show and like all talk
shows it shows ads for upcoming shows. The ad for this was
asking for teens to call in if they had a deep dark secret they
were keeping from their parents and wanted to reveal it. But at
the bottom of the screen it states that, you must be over 18 to
call. Know many teens over 18?
Teens Over 18
Evil Overlord Handbook Part Two
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11. I will not order my trusted lieutenant to kill the infant who is
destined to overthrow me — I’ll do it myself.
12. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum — a small
hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
13. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to
prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker
enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
14. I will not waste time making my enemy’s death look like an accident -
I’m not accountable to anyone and my other enemies wouldn’t believe it
anyway.
15. I will make it clear that I do know the meaning of the word “mercy”; I
simply choose not show them any.
16. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws
in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before
implementation.
17. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of
ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the
cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying
celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
18. My undercover agents will not have tattoos identifying them as members
of my organization, nor will they be required to wear military boots or
adhere to any other dress codes.
19. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any
other form of last request.
20. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find
that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate
when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into
operation.
Evil Overlord Handbook Part Two
Bewajah dete rahey Log
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Be wajah dety rahy l0g M0bbarak Naye saAl ke,,,,; * ,,+ +,, ,,+ *;;* ,,+ +,, ,,+
Aik hindsa hi t0 bdla hai taqdeEr t0 nahi…
Bewajah dete rahey Log
Mere Dil Se
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Mery Dil se khel to rahy hooo.
Par zara Dehaaan se.
Tota howa hai.
Kahin Lag na jaye…
Mere Dil Se
Mere Pyar ki woh inteha
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Mere Pyaar ki Wo Inteha Pochte Hain,
Dil Mai Hai kitni jagah Pochte Hain.
Chahte Hain Hum Unko khud Se Ziyada,
Is Chahat ki Bi Wo Waja Pochte Hain.
Mere Pyar ki woh inteha
Uski Justuju
Saturday, 8 February 2014
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*… Uski Justuju, Uska Intezar Aur Akela pan…..!!!
*… Thak kar Muskura Deti Hun, Jab Roya Nahi Jata,
Uski Justuju
Mere Dil Se
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Mery Dil se khel to rahy hooo.
Par zara Dehaaan se.
Tota howa hai.
Kahin Lag na jaye…
Mere Dil Se
Kisi ko kuch dena hai to
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“kisi ko kuch dena hy to usy acha Waqt Aur Dua do,
Q k ap her cheez wapis ly sakty ho magar kisi ko diya hwa acha waqt or dua wapis nai le sakte.
Kisi ko kuch dena hai to
Nahin Rehta Koi Shaks
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Nah¡ Rehta ko¡ Shaks Adho0ra k¡s¡ Cheez k Pechy,,
Waqat Guzar h¡ Jata hY, Kuch Paa Kr B, Kuch Kho Kr B..
Nahin Rehta Koi Shaks
Usay to Torna Ata Tha
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Usay To Torna Ata Tha usny Tor dia..
Woh janta hi dil ki Ehm iat Kia Ha. .
Usay to Torna Ata Tha
Dard
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درد
جدائی
تنہائی
تاریکی
خوف
خفا نیندیں
اب یہ میرا سرمایہ ہیں
تم خود سوچو !
یہ کم ہیں کیا؟
اک پوری عمر بتانے کو
یا جیتے جی مر جانے کو _
Dard
Urdu poetry
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Urdu poetry
Pathan: Ajj Main
Saturday, 1 February 2014
Pathan: Aaj mai bus ke peche bhagty howe ghar tak aya hon, owr karaye ke 20 rupey bhi bacha leye.
.
2nd Pathan: Tum boht bewakof ho, Rekshe ke peche bhagty tu 80 rupey bach jaty
Pathan: Ajj Main
Pathan Cinema Main
1 Pathan Cinema mai Film dekh raha tha.
.
Film mai 1 Shair dowarty howe araha tha.
.
Pathan ne dekha tu dar gia, owr apni chadir kandhy pa dal kar bhaagny laga
Logo ne kaha: Khan Sahib mat daro, yai tu film hai
.
Pathan: Wo tu mujh ko bhi pata hai ke yai film hai, lekin wo tu janwar hai, usko kia pata
Pathan Cinema Main
Sardar Ji in Practical Exam
In bio practical:
Examiner: Tell me the name of this bird by seeing its legs only?
Sardar: I don’t know.
Examiner: You r failed, what’s your name?
Sardar: See my legs & tell my name
Sardar Ji in Practical Exam
Pathan 2 Shopkeeper
Pathan 2 shopkeeper: Bhai sahb 1 rupia ka Easy Load kardo
.
Shopkeeper: 1 rupey ke load se kesi ko call karni hai ya msg?
.
Pathan: Karna tu kuch bhi nahi,
Bus aisy hi paisy urany ki adat hai
Pathan 2 Shopkeeper
Sardar Climbed a Tree
Sardar climbed a tree. Monkey asked: “Too uper kyon aaya?”
Sardar: “Apple Khane”
Monkey: “Yeh to mango tree”
Sardar: “Idiot, apple saath laaya hoon”
Sardar Climbed a Tree
Sardar on Train Tack
1 sardar rail ki patri per so gaya .
1 aadmi ne kaha kya kar rahe ho? Train aayegi to mar jaoge!
Sardar: Mere uper se hawai jahaaz guzar gaya to kuch nahi hua, train kya cheez hai?
Sardar on Train Tack
Sardar and Police man
Police: Tumhe kal subah 5 baje phansi di jayegi.
Sardar: Ha Ha Ha Ha!
Police: Kyon hasn rahe ho?
Sardar: Main to uthta hi subha 9 baje hun.
Sardar and Police man
Teacher To Pathan
Teacher to Pathan: Tum ne home-work kion nahi kia?
.
.
Pathan: Sir hum hostel mai rehta hai
Teacher To Pathan
Two Sardars
1st sardar: oye agar neend na aaye to kya kia jaaye?
2nd Sardar: Neend ka intizar karne se achha hai ki banda soo hi jaye
Two Sardars
BV Sharabi Shohar Se
Saturday, 25 January 2014
BV sharabi shohr ko theek kerne k liye Kala Libas Pehan kr khari ho gai
Shohar Jhomty howy
Kon ho tum ?
BV:churail
Shrabi:
Hath mila main teri Behan ka Shohr:
BV Sharabi Shohar Se
Teen Bachon Ki Maa
3 bacho ki ma ne 3 bacho k baap se shadi karli,
hasti khelti jindgi ki barbadi karli.
Din ache ho gaye 3 aur bache ho gaye,
ek din office ki ghanti khadki.
Aage se patni bhadki,
“aap vaha bethe kalam ghasit rahe hain
aur yahan aap k bache aur mere bache milke
hamare bacho ko peet rahe hain!”
Teen Bachon Ki Maa
Urdu Joke & Mobile SmS
Mama: Beta khaana Khaogay?
Beta: Nhi
Mama: Acha Mithae khaogay?
Beta: Nhi
Mama: Acha Icecream?
Beta: Nhi
Mama: Chocolate?
Beta: Nhi naaaaa
Mama: Baap pe gaya hai THAPPAR hee khayga……
Urdu Joke & Mobile SmS
GOLU Gifted A Card
GOLU Gifted A Card To His Father On His BirthDay With Quote On It
.
.
“Phool To Bohat Hain Par Gulaab Jaisa Koi Nahi
.
.
Mere Baap to Bohat Hain Par Aap Jaisa Koi Nahi “…:)
A Kid Gets 0 Marks In Pape
Father Angrily Asks: What Is This……?
Kid Replies: Star Khattam Ho Gaye Thay To Teacher Ne Planet Dene Shroo Ker Diye…..:)
GOLU Gifted A Card
A student is the most
Friday, 24 January 2014
“A Student is the most important person ever in this school…in person, on the telephone, or by mail.
A Student is not dependent on us…we are dependent on the Student.
A Student is not an interruption of our work..the Studenti s the purpose of it. We are not doing a favor by serving the Student…the Student is doing us a favor by giving us the opportunity to do so.
A Student is a person who brings us his or her desire to learn. It is our job to handle each Student in a manner which is beneficial to the Student and ourselves.”
― William W. Purkey,
A student is the most
Cowards die many times
Cowards die many times before their deaths
The valiant never taste of death but once.
Cowards die many times
The native hue of resolution
The native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought;
And enterprises of great pitch and moment,
With this regard, their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action.
The native hue of resolution
Like Madness is the glory of
Like madness is the glory of this life
As this pomp shows to a little oil and root.
Like Madness is the glory of
Human potential
“Human potential, though not always apparent, is there waiting to be discovered and invited forth.”
William W. Purkey
Human potential
William W. Purkey
“Balla come se nessuno stesse guardando,
ama come se nessuno ti avesse mai ferito,
canta come se nessuno stesse ascoltando,
vivi come se il paradiso fosse sulla terra.”
William W. Purkey
William W. Purkey
Time shall unfold
Time shall unfold what plighted cunning hides:
Who cover faults, at last shame them derides.
Time shall unfold
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